Don't Try This At Home, Kids!!

At first glance, you'd think these were just a couple of normal harmless rocks, right? Wrong. As a poor woman from Orange County CA found out yesterday, these are actually evil rocks. She found them while taking a nice walk on the beach, happily minding her own business. She must have thought her kids would like them, so she picked them up and placed them in her pocket. Later on at home, she was standing in her kitchen fixing lunch when her fucking shorts caught on fire. Her husband suffered 2nd-degree burns trying to get the shorts off of her; she suffered both 2nd and 3rd degree burns, right down to her hip bone in places. But that didn't end the story--as the husband got the shorts off, the rocks fell out onto the kitchen floor and the goddamn FLOOR caught on fire! What the hell kind of fucked-up rocks do they have on that beach?! The Navy has decided they will check that area of the ocean because there *may* have been some type of military activity gone awry there; in other words, what kind of shit did they spill???

It's a sad day on this planet when you can't even trust a ROCK on the ground to behave the way it's supposed to! What's next, trees eating people? Lesson kids: Sticks & stones just *might* break your bones. Or cause you to spontaneously combust.