Let's Talk About Jack Reacher/Tom Cruise....

If you're a Lee Child fan (as I am), you have surely heard of this story; the first Jack Reacher book, which is now being made into a movie, will star TOM CRUISE in the role of our beloved Reacher. Omg. Words cannot adequately express the fuckery contained in that one sentence. Out of the plethora of reasons why this should not be happening in our universe (see: universe-ending paradoxes), I am hard-pressed to choose the one that stands out as the most ridiculous, so here is a list in no particular order:
1. Jack Reacher is 6 foot 5 inches tall!! Even wearing his special lifts, TC  is still shorter than Reacher's shadow.
2. Jack Reacher weighs 250 pounds! TC's ego weighs more, but since egos are invisible, um no.
3. Jack Reacher is beloved the world over; kicks ass, takes names, and makes no excuses to the women he loves and leaves. TC's career is waning, he's a member of a cult, and he's afraid of vagina.
4. Jack Reacher is a supreme example of male brute strength & awesomeness (yes, that is TOO a word!), TC can't even reach the punch bowl down for you from that cabinet over the refrigerator without a stepladder.


There is a page on Facebook called "TC is not Jack Reacher"; the guy who started it is pretty pissed about this too--check it out! Although we cannot stop what has already happened, we fans CAN make a difference by refusing to see the movie with this casting. Hollywood needs to know that when it comes to this beloved book series, fans are much more discerning than those who flock to see the Twi-tard movies. We are not love-struck teens, dammit! Fans of Jack Reacher demand a higher quality of movie--to go along with the amazing quality of books that Lee Child writes. 

*climbs down from soapbox*